If you are planning a wedding of any size right now, you need to know the answer to this one.

But I’m here to let you in on a little secret:

Both answers are perfectly fine.

As a wedding photographer, I need to know how to prioritize my couples’ goals. If their main objective is to use multiple backdrops all around their wedding location, I might let them know that a first look would be more practical.

If the main goal of the big day is to have you see each other at the aisle for the first time, then you have other options to connect first without seeing each other.

Let’s walk through the why and the how.

It’s a big day, with enough pressure on decision making as it is. You need to come to peace with your timeline either way. Please don’t waste time regretting what you did or didn’t do if you’re already married. If you’re still in planning mode, that is the time to decide. And things could still go wrong. It’s up to you how you’ll react if anything tries to mess up your plans.

Remember this:

Wedding day timelines can get thrown to the wayside by unforeseen things all the time. Those things can include but are never limited to: extreme weather changes, hair and makeup team getting stuck in unexpected morning traffic delays, a meal vendor arriving on time yet having a valve break so no access to heat for the food, the cake falling onto the dance floor, a groom disappearing from the wedding for a “fun adventure” with a groomsman so therefore not available for the photo time… and I could go on and on.

After hitting 19 years this past summer of taking photos of weddings, I feel like I’ve seen it all. Still, the biggest advice I have for couples is to decide beforehand how you are going to cope.

Do you want a few moments with your partner to just breathe before all eyes are on you? Have a first look.

If you want a way to connect with each other without seeing each other? Have a first “non” look, or a “first touch”.

There are plenty of couples who want to get in the excitement of being near each other by talking, then not physically seeing each other until the big walk down the aisle. This approach could be done with a back to back, closing eyes and holding hands… or with something blocking your view.

What is your cocktail hour going to look like? Typically the cocktail hour is built in for the guests to mingle, have appetizers, drinks, play a few yard games, etc… and it’s fine to skip most of it. It’s pretty much designed to be missed by the two of you. That’s also when a timeline can play catch up. If the ceremony started a little late, that cuts into family photos, your wedding portraits, and cocktail hour is a little shorter.

Knowing your wedding team will help, too. Even if my couple chooses against a first look, we can get photos done in time for your reception.

Hopefully by now you have a clear view of where you’re leaning. Think about your venue. After your ceremony and family photos, will you have time to get all the portraits you’ve been dreaming about?

You might be adamantly against one of these directions, and there you go… First look or not, you will get wedding photos!

My advice changes depending on the venue and the couple.

These two below already had an amazing wedding planned at their venue in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and we knew we could get portraits there after their ceremony. They are both epic opera performers for their livelihood and happened to drive past this spot on the way to the venue. What could be more perfect for their first look than a run down Theater? We all worked together to be sure the timeline could make it happen.

That’s what it comes down to. Know yourself, your goals, your partner, their goals.

If you want something special and you don’t want as much fuss? To far away with your getting ready locations? Write each other a letter. This sweet couple wrote a letter, then did a first touch before seeing each other down the aisle. Their timeline had plenty of room to walk around their venue during cocktail hour, too.

So proud of all my couples!

Biggest take away?

No matter how you choose to see each other, don’t put pressure on your significant other to give a specific reaction when they see you. You can’t compare anyone else’s reaction to your own wedding. Emotions come when they want to on a wedding day, and you can’t predict it or force it.

Just worry about showing love.

If you have any questions at all, about your timeline, wedding date, venue locations, etc… please email me at HeyPhotographerAmy@gmail.com or comment here on the blog. I help all of my couples sift through the best options for their day.

Have a beautiful week, guys!